I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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