shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
