that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
