Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
