Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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