also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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