some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I've blown a few things in my day
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize