It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize