Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
