He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
