I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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