Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
