I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
