clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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