Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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