Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
