i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
