I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
