I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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