And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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