i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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