This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
