hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
