I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
