this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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