He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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