So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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