I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So here I am, sexting at work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
