Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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