Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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