Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
