booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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