how can u be prego again
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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