The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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