i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There r osticjed everywhere
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
