So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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