the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
