I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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