Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
