I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
