yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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