So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
