There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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