so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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