worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
