Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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