i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
