A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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