i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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