I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
