You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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