Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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