Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
