if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
