yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
