my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
