So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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