The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.