Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....