Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again