What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?