i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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