yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
