Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
