Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
