These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
